August 19, 2015

Memories flood you when least expected. Never when you want them. Memories that cause rivers of tears to flow when you are not prepared. Memories of moments you desperately wish were not just in your past. Memories you wish you could still create.

I discovered a new song Daddy would have loved called Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman; another father-daughter song. It's funny, songs that made me cry hysterically yesterday are making me smile today.

I miss the walks we would take on Tuesday mornings; I keep meaning to get back out there and walk, but knowing Daddy is not able to go with me breaks my heart.


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Healing takes time.

A Little bit of Growth, a little bit of Healing, a whole lot of Faith.

Back in October (the 16th-18th), I had the opportunity to go away on a spiritual retreat with about 50 other members of my church family. Each October, we have what we call our Spiritual Enrichment Weekend (SEW) at Central Florida Bible Camp-- my favorite place on this planet. However, getting on the bus to go was really difficult. Daddy loved going away for SEW and this was the first year without him. I remember calling my mom from the church parking lot telling her I didn't want to go. I couldn't make myself get on that bus. Mom told me to get on the bus and enjoy myself and I'm really glad I did.
I can't count the times I started crying that weekend. There were moments when I would be okay and then moments where all I could do was cry. We sang some of Daddy's favorite songs and I was holding it together until someone looked at me and  I lost it.
All weekend, people would come up to me and tell me stories about Dad and favorite memories. I loved every moment. Hearing how much others loved Dad comforted me in a way I didn't think was possible. One of the gentlemen during his devotional talk read a passage, then he spoke for a moment, looked at me and re-read the passage substituting Daddy;s name for the one in the passage.

Colossians 4:7-8 "Tychicus will tell you all about my activities. He is a beloved brother and faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord. 8I have sent him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are and that he may encourage your hearts." G.S. re-read the verse with "Gene Puckett is a beloved brother and faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord. I have sent Gene Puckett to you for this very purpose. . . that Gene Puckett may encourage your hearts." 

He talked about how much Daddy was an encouragement to not only him, but everyone in our congregation. OF course,  I cried like a baby, but the sad tears were mingled in with the happy. On Sunday morning, I walked down to one of Daddy's favorite spots on campus, the dock, and sat down, turned on one of Daddy's lessons and listened to his voice. That moment on the dock looking over the water and listening to Daddy's voice was the closest I had been to one of his bear hugs since June 15th.  While listening to Daddy's lesson, I heard his voice say, 

"I am not living this Christian life so I can worry about dying. I'm living this Christian life looking forward to when I can leave this earth. . . If you are alive when I die, . . . Rejoice, be glad because I've finally done something I really wanted to do."

Years before he died, Daddy told me exactly what he wanted me to do. Rejoice and be glad. Daddy is where he has always wanted to be, His largest goal has been achieved. 
I am so glad I chose to get on that bus to SEW. 

Life will never be the same

Three months ago, my life changed completely. The most important person in my life passed away in the early hours of June 18th. My daddy was gone. Life has been chaotic since Daddy passed away. There are times when I feel my world is crumbling and I can't stop it. Then there are times when I am filled with peace knowing my Dad lived a Christian Life. My Dad was a Christian and he is where he has always wanted to be.

My Daddy was the most important person in my life. He was my rock and always had my back. Daddy was the one who always encouraged me to follow my dreams, but didn't hesitate to let me know if I was doing something wrong. Some of my most precious memories involve my dad in some way. 

His death was so unexpected. Sunday he was fine. Monday, he had to have an emergency procedure done to remove the clot his fistula (for dialysis). Tuesday he felt awful so  I took him to the closet ER around noon. He was quickly admitted to ICU. Wednesday, he spent most of the day unconscious and by Thursday morning at 2:48, Daddy was gone. Less than 48 hours after being checked into the hospital, he was killed by a heart attack. Mom and I are pretty sure one of the clots from the fistula made its way to his heart. 

In the days after Daddy passed away, so many of our friends and fellow Christians shared funny stories or special memories and thoughts about Dad and it was such a comfort to me. I still have every text message and email from that day. One day I will share them with you. One thing I will share is this beautiful bracelet a friend of mine had made.

A really good friend of mine asked me for something that Daddy wrote to me in his handwriting. I handed her a picture of  an appreciagram (a note of appreciation that our church had created) that Dad wrote me years ago. A week ago, she handed me this beautiful bracelet with Daddy's words reminding me that he loves me. This bracelet is the most precious thing anyone has ever given me.

That's what's been going on in my life lately. While things have been a bit chaotic and I've been on an emotional roller coaster, I'm going to leave you with a verse that means a lot to me.

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:10

No matter how weak I feel right now, I am strong in the LORD.